lilies and ocean salt

His name was Luke. He thought of himself as the best skipper on the sailing team. He had the confidence. Most people think that to be a good skipper you must have a great knowledge of race tactics and wind patterns, or strength and sailing skills. In reality, it is all confidence. He knew where to turn on the water and when. He had pride in every choice that he made. Even when the choice was anything from the right one, he had pride in it. He was confident and this confidence would win him races. When asked how he was able to win as much as he did, he always credited it to his crew. Cate was her name.

Cate was a natural beauty. A girl for the ages. Luke certainly thought so even if Cate never did. She was quiet and kind and did everything he told her to. When they won a race he would buy her lilies. She always had lilies in her house. She didn’t know why Luke brought her them but she loved them anyway. In his head, he liked to call her his lily. His beautiful flower. She always smelled like salt. Even when they hadn’t sailed in days. She had a permanent ocean spray smell. Lilies and ocean spray, the place that Luke’s mind always when he thought of her. His mind’s favorite space to occupy.

        When they were kids Cate was deathly afraid of the water. She avoided it at all costs. They lived on an island so this was something impossible, but she did her best. She would wake up screaming in the middle of the night, drowning in her sleep. Luke could hear her screams from his family’s house next door. The screams would strike him awake and he would watch from his window as she cried in her sleep. No one ever came to comfort her. The next morning Cate would wake up with lilies on her front doorstep. Pulled straight out of the ground. Luke’s mother in their yard scolding their dog for ruining her flower beds.

This was what made her a great crew. She would do anything to stop their boat from capsizing. She did not want to fall into the water. She was still afraid of it. She was afraid of many other things as well. She was afraid that she’d never leave the island. She was afraid that the rest of the world was moving on without her. She was afraid they would keep winning races. She was most of all afraid that Luke’s confidence would get the best of him one day. Do not get her wrong, she thought his confidence was cute, but she knew it was deadly.

        “One day you will not be the best,” she would tease him as they rigged their boat.

        “That is where you are mistaken my dear Cate,” he would always reply. “I will be the best.”

        She would simply smile at him and continue on with her work. A nervous glance at the water every once in a while for good measure.

        Luke knew that he had no choice but to be confident. He had to be confident for both him and Cate. He would not let her feel frightened by the sea. He must prove to her that it is safe and kind and that good things can happen while they sail. Good things such as winning races.

        The last day they ever sailed together was one of the most beautiful days Cate had seen in a long time. The sun was shining brightly and the water was calm. She liked the calm days the best. Luke was complaining about how no wind meant a slow and boring day for them, but she did not listen. She was consumed with watching the sun reflect on the water. She would not let him bring her happiness down.

        Luke was right of course and it was a slow and boring day. That only meant relaxing in the sun with Luke for Cate.

        “Next year when the racing season starts again, I think we should move in together Cate. That way we can train more.” Luke said, breaking the silence and Cate’s relaxation.

        “We already live next door to each other. What’s the point of sharing a house? We’d just have to move.”

        “For the sake of living together. I think it would be fun,” he said nervously. “And we definitely have a great chance of winning the big race next year. We can use those winnings on the house.”

        “I don’t want to race next year,” Cate finally said.

        “What.”

        “I don’t want to race next year.”

        “What!” The sound of his voice getting louder plus a sudden ocean spray on her face caused Cate to open her eyes. She sat up quickly.

        “You heard me Luke. I want to stop racing.”

        “Why would you ever stop racing. You love to race. You are great at it.” He needed to tighten his grip on the ropes, the wind had started to pick up.

        “No. I do not love to race. You do!”

        “Yes, you do!”

        “I am afraid of the ocean, I want to leave this island. What part of me loves doing this?” She needed to yell this at him as the wind had really started to pick up.

        “This is what you love. This is what we love.”

        “Only you love this Luke, I do not love it.”

        “You cannot leave me. You are not allowed to leave me,” Luke yelled at her. His focus and emotions were completely trained in on her shivering figure at the bow of the boat. He did not notice that the sky had gone dark. He did not notice that the boat was rapidly filling with water. He did not notice he was standing and that his knuckles had gone white while holding the rope. He just saw Cate’s eyes. But he saw around the fear that was filling them. The sure terror that was creeping on her face. This was her nightmare and all Luke could think about was that his nightmare was going to occur soon.

        “Luke, we need to go home. You need to turn us around. You need to let me go!”

        “You are not going anywhere. I love you.” The last part of his words got caught in his mouth as water filled it. The boat had slammed into a wave and gone under. They were in the process of capsizing and spinning and drowning. With “I love you” still stuck in his throat he used all that he could to swim to the surface.

        “Cate! CATE!” He yelled with all of his might. He could not see her. He could not see the boat. Luke cried and screamed her name for hours until a rescue boat came. By this time the sun was out, the water was calm, the birds were enjoying their afternoon. Cate was gone.

        The day of her funeral there were no lilies present. No ocean salt smell in the air. Just a young boy in a grown-up suit staring at an empty coffin. They never found the boat. Never found the body. Inside her empty coffin, he placed a bouquet of lilies and a single key. The key to the house he had bought them. The house they were supposed to share. The house he would be able to comfort her in when she had her nightmares. The house they would grow old in. Now it just sits alone. He was never able to sell it. The key with the lilies deep in the ground still waiting for Cate to be found and returned home.